Intellectual "Sparring"
Finding the Right Partner(s)
I just finished the book by Michael Lewis titled “The Undoing Project”. In this book, it describes the relationship/partnership between the Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman.
In the book, Michael actually describe how they are working with each other. They occupy the different ends of different spectrum. They are interested in understanding Decision Science and the quirks they noticed. They were able to challenge each other’s idea but not get mad at each other at the same time which is something I find quite unique. Because of this research partnership, they discover a lot of interesting biases in human psychology and the result was a Nobel Prize and the book “Thinking Fast and Slow”, an international best-seller despite being quite “dry” imo although I still manage to finish reading it. Now is to find time to re-read again. You can see how interesting the content of the book is. :)
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Personally, I like to discuss different topics with many individuals. This allows me to see things from many perspectives, and if I know the background of these individuals, it gives me a better idea how they derive those insights and whether it makes sense that they arrive at those insights. However, finding such discussion partner, let alone partners is never easy. How so? Because I find that a lot of people discuss for the sake of converting the other party to their own perspectives rather. It becomes a battle and with that usually ends up with a lot of shouting and less listening, empathy and understanding. Later it becomes a name-calling match and friendships are broken, all because they took a strong stand that they are “ABSOLUTELY RIGHT AND the OTHER PARTY is Absolutely Wrong”. This type of mindset is a limiting belief and can stunt ones’ growth.
Per the spirit of the newsletter, where I too explore how we can level up our intelligence, I find that it is important for us to find a few “intellectual sparring” partners where we can have meaningful discussion with. Finding that right partner will benefit you for life, and improve your knowledge and intelligence continuously and consistently.
What we can do is this, in order to attract and find the right discussion partners.
You first have to check your ego at the “door”. Go into a discussion to listen and discuss, but not convince.
If you find yourself trying to convince the other partner for instance, repeating your reasoning or feeling heated up, remind yourself to calm down first, stop and listen attentively.
Listen with empathy, paraphrase back and continue presenting your point of view.
If you find the other party does not listen to your side, become VERY agitated or even start calling you names, this is a signal to stop the discussion and walk away. Whether to come back to the person or not, it is up to your judgment. :)
By being the discussion partner you are looking for, you will attract the right discussion partner that can increase your intelligence and perspectives of the world.
What are your thoughts on this? Do share them in the comment below.
Here are the links to the content I mentioned.